POEM: I Don't Want to Remember

It hurts
to remember you
because I want you here.

I don't want
to remember your smile
I want to kiss it before it fades away

I don't want
to remember your kiss
I want to taste it on my lips

I don't want
to remember your laugh
I want to hear it fill our home

I don't want
to remember your sound
I want to melt under your breath's tickles

I don't want
to remember your touch
I want to feel its warmth

I dont want
to remember your heat
I want it to blanket me when I am cold

I don't want
to remember you
because I want you here.

2009 Patricia Beline Barton

~ This is dedicated to my sister who recently lost her husband of 28 years to End Stage Renal Disease. I love you Reesa, and am here for you always. ~

Book Review: Milkweed by Jerry Spinelli

Milkweed by Jerry Spinelli

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

I initially read this book to determine whether it was appropriate for my 11 year-old daughter to read. Although it is considered a YA novel, any book (fiction or non-fiction) with a theme centered around the holocaust, is a novel I want to preview before allowing my child to absorb.

I was immediately drawn to the short sentence structure and quick action. From the beginning, the reader is drawn into an eight year-old orphan boy's innocent view of a world where he must steal, and become virtually invisible, to survive.

It's a quick read; I read it in one day. It is the boy's innocent and honest view of the world around him during one of the most horrific times in history that kept me turning the pages.

The boy's innocence and naivete to the chaos and pure hatred surrounding him is touching, and rather humorous at times.

Although Milkweed is a work of fiction, it made me wonder how close it came to the inner workings of a child's mind during this time period.

While the central theme revolves around the time leading up to the holocaust, it only takes the reader through the time when Jews were relocated out of their homes to the ghetto. It touches briefly on the time of deportation, when those housed in ghettos were put on trains for human shipment to concentration camps. However, it never visits the horrors of an actual concentration camp.

Some of the prevalent messages that stood out for me in Milkweed were those of hope, love and inner happiness at a time when Nazi occupation colored the world gray with irrational hatred and unfair brutality.

I found myself lingering with thoughts of the book long after I read the final page.

After reading Milkweed, I would allow my daughter to read it. I think I would rather read it with her though, so if she had any thoughts or questions we could talk about it along the way.

Goodreads Review: In Cold Blood

I love to read. Recently, I stumbled upon Goodreads and promptly registered to keep track of books I'm reading, have read and look forward to reading. Goodreads, like many other social networking sites, also allows readers to invite friends for sharing eachother's current book-reading status. While I normally read quite frequently, this site has definitely elevated my motivation to read even more. I just completed In Cold Blood by Truman Compote.

My review follows:

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

My review

Rating: 4 of 5 stars

Before reading this book, I never knew about the Clutter murders. This book introduced me to what happened on November 15, 1959 to a family of four in Holcomb, Kansas. The tragedy was heartbreaking. Four lives taken without mercy by two men who seemed without conscience. In Cold Blood also delved into the mindsets of the townfolk, the deputy and his assistants investigating the murder, the killers' families, and the killers themselves.

I didn't think I would enjoy this book at first because I don't particularly like reading of murder. It deeply frightens me and delivers me into the nightmare imagination of what could certainly be a possibility for me or those I love.

However, the best part of this book was learning about the psychology behind murder and the psyche of two men who decided one night to wipe out a whole family. Although I was obviously horrified and saddened for the family that was killed, a part of me also felt pity and sadness for the murderers who lost large portions of themselves throughout their struggling existence.

In Cold Blood delivers an unforgettable and unflinching trip into the spirit, emotion, and mind of each soul affected by murder.

View all my reviews.

Venting Time

This blog is mostly about working through my goals.

I have A LOT of goals. There are many things that I want to accomplish during my life, and I am continuously trying to find a way for organizing my goals so I can better focus on each one.

I've read numerous books. I've bought software. I've utilized Word and Excel. I've tried finding useful applications online. In my desperate quest, I have found a mixture of helpful information and tools. Yet, I remain bewildered.

I am not sure if it's the way my brain works - all chaotic and mult-linear - or if perhaps, I want too many things. Because even with all the information and tools available in books and online, my goals remain numerous without much progress.

I can't seem to find focus or clarity. I'm all over the place and not a lot gets done.

So today here I sit: wanting much but accomplishing little; craving more with less motivation; needing a spark but only finding my energy depleted.

Can anyone say nap?

Catch Up: Valentines Day

As my title states, I am once again playing catch up. Time seems to get away from me just doing all the little things I do each day. I want to do so many different things, but usually, what I need to do screams louder than my wants. I suppose this blog falls into the want category!


Let me take you back a couple Saturdays ago to Valentines Day. Yes, Saturday is the ever-joyous cheat day. What a wonderful day for Valentines Day to land. It meant I could cheat without feeling guilty.


Randy had been saying for weeks that he was craving sugar cookies like I make every year at Christmas time. So I decided to make him some for Valentines Day, a first for me. Hopefully, these sweet, scrumptious cookies would make his day. I would cut out hearts, X's and O's. I would frost them and sprinkle them with reds, pinks and purples. I was so excited to get started!


I prepared the dough the day before because it needs to be refrigerated before rolling. Then it was time to hunt for some heart-shaped cookie cutters, something I surprisingly don't have in my cookie cutter collection, because as I said, I'd never made Valentines Day cookies before. This turned out harder than I thought. Apparently, everyone else needed heart-shaped cookie cutters too, because each store I went to was a bust.

I finally found some at Michaels, but not without using my keen digging skills to locate an abandoned package of nested hearts that was hiding under a strewn stack of stars, butterflies and various other cookie cutters. When I presented them at checkout, the employee asked me if there were anymore. "Nope!" I proudly declared. "I dug for that one." She went on to tell me how lucky I was because these heart-shaped cutters were a prized commodity. Who knew they'd be so wanted around Valentines Day? ;)


Anyhow, the cookies turned out great, and in addition to the heart-shaped ones, I put together some letter cutters to spell some important words!

For those who are interested, here is the recipe I used:

(taken from Betty Crockers New Cookbook)

Cookies:

1-1/2 cups powdered sugar

1 cup margarine or butter, softened

1 teaspoon vanilla

1/2 tspn almond extract

1 large egg

2-1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon cream of tartar

Mix powdered sugar, margarine, vanilla, almond extract and egg in large bowl. Stir in remaining ingredients. Cover and refrigerate at least 2 hours.

Heat oven to 375. Grease cookie sheet lightly with shortening.

Divide dough in half. Roll each half 1/4 inch thick on lightly floured surface. Cut into desired shapes eith cookie cutters. Place on cookie sheet. (You can sprinkle with some granulated sugar at this point before baking, or wait until baked and frost them yourself!)

Bake 7 to 8 minutes or until edges are light brown. Remove from cookie sheet and cool on wire rack. When cool, frost with Vanilla Buttercream Frosting (recipe below), and decorate with sprinkles.

Vanilla Buttercream Frosting:

3 cups powdered sugar

1/3 cup stick butter, softened

1-1/2 teaspoons vanilla

1 to 2 Tablespoons milk

Mix powdered sugar and butter in medium bowl. Stir in vanilla and milk.

Beat until smooth and spreadable.

I have used this recipe year after year at Christmastime. I would love to experiment with another sugar cookie recipe to try something different. Maybe I'll find a recipe I like even better. If anyone has a recipe they like, I'd love to try it! Post it in the comments if you'd like to share!

By the way, everyone LOVED the cookies! :D

Until I post again,

Cheers!

Cool Stuff: Poptarts

One of my guilty pleasures on a Saturday is a toaster-warmed ooey, gooey poptart. My favorite is chocolate fudge. I also like Smores, frosted Strawberry, Raspberry and Cherry.

My kids love them too.

During the week, when I can't eat them, it is hard seeing them sitting in my cupboard. Sometimes I'll buy ones I know I don't care for (but my kids like) so I'm not tempted during the week.

Then Saturday comes. It's poptart time.

Those commercials that try to make poptarts look plain and boring in comparison to a toaster strudel? Hogwash. Poptarts are yummy!

I came across the coolest little website a few days ago for poptart enthusiasts! At www.poptarts.com there is a section for "kids" and a section for "moms." I don't believe you need to be a kid or a mom to enjoy a poptart. So if you love poptarts, and you aren't a mom or a kid, never fear. This site is for you too.

Register at Poptarts' Sprinklings Club for samples, coupons and other giveaways!
www.poptarts.com/moms/RegisterInsider.aspx

Enjoy!

No Chicken at the Crazy Chicken!

The healthiest fast food option for me, trying to stick to the South Beach diet, is any place that serves salad or chicken. A salad should be ordered with dressing on the side, and perhaps topped with a protein, such as -- you guessed it -- chicken. Chicken eaten on its own should be breast meat, since it is leaner than a thigh or leg.

After a long day at my sister Reesa's, we decided it was time to figure out what to get for dinner. El Pollo Loco sounded like the healthiest fast food option, and Randy, Reesa and I agreed this was the perfect choice.

While Randy continued to work in the yard, Reesa and I drove to our destination: El Pollo Loco. We knew what we were going to order, how much we wanted, and what special kids meals to get for the kids. We were prepared. We decided the drive-thru was the way to go.

El Pollo Loco Attendant: "What can I get for you?"

Us: "We'd like a 12-pc. meal with 2 sides of beans and 1 side of rice. Extra flour tortillas please. We would also like 2 popcorn chicken kids meals."

El Pollo loco Attendant: "I'm sorry. If you want a whole chicken, you will have to wait a half hour because we are out of chicken."

Us (to eachother): [puzzled looks on our faces] [looking around to see what else is available, but stuck in the drive thru] [mutterings and stutterings of "what should we do?" and "they have NO chicken?"] [complete bewilderment because our plan was falling to pieces and we had to make some sort of a decision...now.]

Reesa to Me: "They have no chicken? " [bewildered and confused]

Me to Reesa: "Are we at El Pollo Loco? Aren't they supposed to have chicken?" [this is more than absurd, but kind of funny]

Our conclusion: "I guess we'll wait." [peals of laughter]

So there we are, two sisters, wanting our crazy chicken, but forced to wait one half of an hour. We pull into a front parking spot closest to the door (so they can see us and know we are the ones waiting for our chicken).

It feels silly. Waiting. For chicken. At a place that serves nothing but chicken.

We see many people go in the drive thru and come out the other end. And leave. We wonder why they aren't made to wait. But then we realize...maybe we are the only dorks waiting. I guess we are the crazy ones. Although in my opinion, they certainly are crazy for not having any chicken!

Until I post again,

Cheers!